Ledges

Sometimes, the dark sometimes, you turn to old habits. But when the road to those habits is temporarily closed or they aren’t attainable, or you feel they won’t work anymore, you find yourself at a loss to rid your mind of the demons you’ve attracted. When your mind fills with resentment and hatred and your heart breaks from mere words and you find yourself unable to function, you reach for that you’ve sworn yourself from. You know you shouldn’t, but you do. You fell from a ledge for a fix. People will always let you down. Especially the ones closest to you. It is ironic to hear the begging and pleading and when the request is sent the proud piousness suddenly becomes the elephant in the room – birthed from false favor and witnessing the giving away of the mind – so you walk to the ledge, look down, look back, look down, sigh…and step. It wasn’t a fall in the first place, it was a step; a step because of a push that led to the imbalance. And on the way down, you realize that you are just as broken as everyone else. So you turn inward, again. Because outward has gotten you no where. And you dig deep for habits from so long ago, burried deeper than you want to reach, but you know you must. That roadblock must be broken if you’re to restore yourself because the ledge you step off of next time will be higher, and the one after that higher yet. I must dig.

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